Should I leave or stay w/ my bf and soon to be baby father?

I'm 26/f and I lived w/ my bf who's a year older than me. We've lived together for 3 yrs . Things that makes him special to me are: he is a nice person, down to earth, humble, caring, compassionate, understanding, helpful, genuine, and giving but like all relationships, we do argue and can lead to him verbally disrespectful. We had fun and enjoyed each other's company and seemed inseparable. Now we hardly spend time except when he comes home to eat or sleep or feel like just coming home whenever that time comes. Another thing that changed from when we first met is now I've gotten myself in alot of debt paying bills, shopping,etc. We argue alot. I argue and am frustrated and irritated alot. Now I try not to argue but I'm now depressed. I think alot of it is b/c of my financial situation and he doesn't seem to help and on top of it he's always gone out and comes home anytime of the day or night. He sleeps late and wakes up late.


He works as a mechanic buying and selling cars whenever he gets to it. I work in sales by commission only and I try to stretch my paycheck til my next sale, but it's hard when most of the time I'm paying our rent and bills by myself. He never really had a real job. He claims he loves me but I want more from him. I want to be successful and it seems I'm getting depressed seeing my life w/ him like this. I do love him, he's a nice guy and cares for me but I don't think he's motivated enough for me and it's dragging me down. Maybe it's me also. I shouldn't let him affect my production and my emotion but it does. I feel like I'm depressed. Lately, I haven't left the house and I haven't really done anything positive or productive. I work at home and when I walk by to get a drink and see him sleeping late in our bedroom, it disgust me. But when he's out w/ his friend I always tell him to come home. He says I'm not letting him do what he needs to do, but I know whatever it is he's doing out there isn't all positive.


I get upset that he doesn't bring any income everyweek at least to support himself and his bills. I've tried to let him go, but he wouldn't move out. Now I'm pregnant, and he still hasn't change his ways. It's really bothering me but I do care for him alot. I think he cares for me too. I think he would do anything for me, I know he wants to help, but it's been 3 yrs and nothing change. I've pretty much grew up from 3 yrs ago when we first met. I have a different goal in life and want more things in life, and he still the same person that likes to hang out and live day by day. We have a baby coming and I can't live like that. He seems very content w/ his life, which I admire b/c he doesn't seem stress like I am.


Is it me? Am I being selfish or materialistic? Am I supposed to be okay that he doesn't work. He only makes money when he sells a car but the good thing about him is he does gives me all the proceeds from the sale of his car which I admire b/c not all puts their eggs in one basket. But most of the time, I do pay for all his expenses w/ the car before he can sell it; example the car itself, the paint job or parts for the car and he does the labor putting it together? This kind of income from him doesn't happen on a routinely basis. Remember, he only works when he gets to it. It can take a couple of weeks or months before he finishes a car, so meanwhile, I have to support both us.


Also, am I asking too much when I get upset that he comes and goes in the house as he pleases; example wake up 11am-1pm then be gone til 7,8,9 or pass 12am up to 3am or so. And it's not like he brings bread and butter everyday or week like it would seem like b/c he's always gone, you'd think he'd be bringing lots of money. I feel like he's taking advantage of me. He does help in the house like tidyin up and some chores. And he seems to care for me, but is that enough. Now I have a baby coming, and I don't know what to do. Sometimes or alot of times, I think of just moving out and getting my own place, since he wouldn't move out although it is my apt. Someone suggested to call the cops, but I can't do that to him. When I start to think about it, I start to feel bad, is he going to be able to pay the rent and take care of himself.


I kind of miss being on my own living on my own, but I remember it was lonely at times. I think that's why I fell inlove w/ him. I was lonely. I wonder if I can managed to be alone and not be lonely. I have to weigh things out, should I stay w/ him and just be stress about his ways ( I feel like I'm his mom always making sure he does the right thing and to stay out of trouble and always telling him what to do which I'm tired of doing)or live on my own and raise my child by myself and have control of my life. Will I'll be able to do so? I feel bad for my unborn child b/c I do want him to be w/ his dad. He's very excited w/ the baby. What should I do?

Should I leave or stay w/ my bf and soon to be baby father?
you poor girl, it really isn't good for you or the baby to be under so much stress.you have to tell him that it isn't working for you and if he isn't willing to change for you or your baby then i would suggest moving on. he is using you it may not me intentional but he is still using you. you have to make the best decisions for your baby now. he or she didn't ask to be born into an environment like the one you are living in , baby's can sense emotions so you being so unhappy and stressed really isn't good for him or her. i am a single mother of two and their dad was the same way never contributed and i just quit putting up with it and i have managed quite well. you wanting to be successful is not selfish or materialistic, it is you growing up, something your boyfriend needs to do. with a baby coming you can't continue to be his mother too, it is not a very good example for your child.
Reply:You should give him an eviction notice. Simply go through the courts and get him out. Call the cops as well. Im sorry but the reason he is content with his life is because you are enabling him to be. Just asking him to move out is not going to motivate him. And yes you can live on your own. I mean you are paying all the bills by yourself so if you dont want to do the legal route then move out yourself and get some friends and where is your family. Find activities to do if you are lonely. And trust me when you have that baby you wont have time to feel lonely. You can be alone and not be lonely.
Reply:Wow, that's a lot of work you did on that question. I say talk with him and try to fix up your problems. You are going to have a bad, you might as well try to make things work.
Reply:If you could shorten this by a couple hundred words I could make a stab at answering your question, but this is way way too long.
Reply:I'm a well known outside opinion, miss. And your storie's tuched my heart. I want this to work for both of you. I won't ask for more details, cause it's your life and I respect that. In similar cases, I have suggested this:


Try your hardest to talk it out with him. Talk hoestly, sincerely, and nicely. If he starts to argue, try your hardest to remain calm and meaningful.


Let him know how you feel. If he loves you like he says, he will want things to work too.


Ask him what he feels about your situation and work it out to both of your benefits.


Ask him what you can do to help[ him feel not so "suspended and restrained" ask what you can do for him to make him feel better, because undoubtebly he is stressed to. You need to let him know that he can trust you and can tell you anything.


Let him know how you feel and, calmly let him know you want his financial help. Show him you love him, don't just tell him. Prove to him you are willing(if you are) to do whatever it takes to make it work. You'd be surprised what communicatioin and support can do. (if he doesn't cooperate, than i'm sorry to say he may not be the one for you.) But that is that last result. Fight for your love, your life, his life, and the life of your little miracle. Let him know what you want for your baby. I notice that many men feel pressured to hide their pain. What happens alot is their brought up and expected to be the one to take care of their families and they often feel like there is no one to look out for THEM. To be there to comfort THEM when they need it. Does that make sense? I want you to have a happy life and family, miss. I wish you the best of luck and pray for God's blessings on you. :)





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