Why do SOME breastfeeding women?

feel they have to lecture on the vurtues of breastfeeding to other mums who are not? We all know that breastmilk is better for the child and that in an ideal world we should all breastfeed for the first year , but sometimes it is not that easy. I had a c-sec, had infection suffered bad PPD. I managed to breastfeed for a month but was so exahusted I eventually went on to formula. By the look on the health visitors face u would have thought Id cut my babies head off!! and as for other mums, the smug "Im a better mother than you because Ive breast fed exclusively for 20 years" look on their faces and tones of their voice REALLY got up my nose!! I just wondered why people feel the need to belittle others like this?

Why do SOME breastfeeding women?
Yes, there are lactivists out there..and they will make us feel guilty. I couldn't breastfeed my son either. However, these women made me feel so guilty that I spent almost $500 on things to try to get my son to latch on and me to produce more milk. I ended up in tears and feeling like a bad mother because I couldn't produce more than a Tablespoon a day. Rather than blaming my body, I blamed myself for not trying hard enough, although I really don't know how much harder I could have tried. I was pumping eveyr 2-3 hours, every hour on weekends, offering the breast, taking herbs, massaging, taking warm showers before every pumping session...you name it!


Of course we feel guilty, but I think that some mothers think we didn't try hard enough to give our child the best. They might have been successful with their nursing experience, and that gives them a sense of accomplishment. Especially with all the hype about how bm is best, they feel that they are a bit superior to those offering their children the "inferior" formula.


These women still managed to get to me...and I was formula fed. I was always at the top of my class, graduated high school in the top 5%, then graduated with honors from college with a BA. I have been very successful at everything I do, yet I still felt like I was depriving my son of the best. Now that I'm being logical, I know that it's really nature AND nurture that plays a role in my son's development, and not just breastmilk.
Reply:I think that women who do this have issues... what's funny is these same women will look at other women who breastfeed passed the recommended time as if they are being ridiculous! Breast feeding is HARD! No one ever tells you that when you have a baby and MOST women intend to breastfeed, but not all women can physically or mentally do it! Maybe if you feel like people are looking down at you, you can remind them that you learned through these horrible circumstances that breastfeeding isn't for every one.. even give them a little guilt that they are able to and you can't! Either way... whether you breast feed or bottle feed, what is important is that you love your child! Each time you feed them, use the moments to bond a little more with your baby!





I guess a straight answer to your question is that some women belittle other women because they have pride in the fact that they did it and they don't understand that it is truely impossible for some people! They really feel like if women would just stick to it that they will be giving their baby something special and they lack education of the world of "no milk's land!"


Just one week of breast feeding makes a world of difference for an infant so a whole month is awesome when that's all you can do! So you should feel accomplished that you made it for the month you did and don't let anyone make you feel bad for doing everything you could do!
Reply:Well breastfeeding is best and if your child is the most important thing in your world, then surely they are worth the many discomforts that come with breastfeeding.





However if for health reasons you cannot, then at least in your heart of hearts you know that you have a genuine reason for not doing so you don't have to feel insecure about it.





Thanks for the thumbs down, what were you expecting? a PC answer, the truth sometimes can be bitter to swallow!
Reply:dont think it really matters what the topic is, when you involve a large group of people participating in something you will always get the fanatics that try to push their point of views onto you, whether its common knowledge or not. Fanatics of anything should be ignored. Their lives must be empty that they feel the need to foist their opinions and beliefs so strongly onto others
Reply:At least you managed a month. I only managed a week but when I was getting upset and my daughter was hungry and crying all the time I just thought forget this and after that I had a happy content baby. If you can do it good for you but if you can't what gives anyone the right to judge.
Reply:I know what you mean, it's upsetting hearing people questioning your parenting ability and love for your child just because you give your child formula. i've had to supplement the breast with formula because i'm have trouble producing enough milk. before that i found out i wasn't producing enough i was giving my daughter just the breast. she lost almost a whole pound because of it. after i found out i realized that the important thing is that she get's what she needs and is healthy. now she is gaining the weight back and sleeps better because she's satisfied. my pediatrician said that i'm doing the right thing. he said that some women still refuse to give formula even though their babies keep losing weight and that its a form of child abuse, and its true.
Reply:Yes, those are most of the time the mom's who raise their kids according to the book. They irritated me too, like you said, breastfeeding is the best for your child, but you've got a pretty good reason why you don't do it. I was also able to breastfeed my kid only for four weeks and than I had to stop, and guess what?!?! She is the healthiest little kid in her class, and there is nothing wrong with her.





DON'T LET THOSE "SUPERMOMS" DEPRESS YOU. THEY HAVE NO RIGHT TO DO IT. As long as you give your baby all the love he or she deserves, you doing a great job.
Reply:I love this question..u actually beat me to it. I give my baby expressed milk and still whenever i post some questions, there are some smug who question why I'm not breastfeeding straight and it gets on my damn nerves. So what if u breastfeed or not? Its not like they are raising our child.. Anyway kudos to this question, to hell wit those who think they are better than us! And you smugs know who you are.. save the lecture for your own kids, we don't wanna hear them!!!!
Reply:Yeah, some people out there are just morons. All I can say is I have tried breastfeeding with all 3 of my kids. The boys had a difficult time, and I had to get them fed by other means. For my daughter, my body just wasnt making milk, and at 3 days, she had already lost 15% of her body weight, so we pumped and used formula. It was a lot of work, no doubt, but I couldnt let my babies just keep sucking and losing weight. All my kids are very healthy, my 14 month old has never been sick, my 3.5 yr old has never been on antibiotics, and my 11 yr old only gets an occasional cold. My sister breastfed much longer, and her kids are sick every 2 months or so, and on antibiotics like candy. So to those moms, What the frack ever. To each their own!
Reply:Yes, other parents can be so judgemental and holier than thou. I would just say, "Please remember that everyone's experience with breastfeeding is not the same, and for some people, the stresses of breastfeeding make bottle-feeding the only or more healthy choice."
Reply:I think part of this might be a bit of guilt/sadness on your side, and thereby distorting others reactions a bit. I mean, who is giving you this smug "I'm a better mom than you" look? You can tell just by your comment how judemental YOU are, saying they're happy to breastfeed exclusively for 20yrs. No one breastfeeds that long, sorry! Don't open yourself up for others judgements, and you'll be a lot happier.