Sunday, August 2, 2009

Why do SOME breastfeeding women?

feel they have to lecture on the vurtues of breastfeeding to other mums who are not? We all know that breastmilk is better for the child and that in an ideal world we should all breastfeed for the first year , but sometimes it is not that easy. I had a c-sec, had infection suffered bad PPD. I managed to breastfeed for a month but was so exahusted I eventually went on to formula. By the look on the health visitors face u would have thought Id cut my babies head off!! and as for other mums, the smug "Im a better mother than you because Ive breast fed exclusively for 20 years" look on their faces and tones of their voice REALLY got up my nose!! I just wondered why people feel the need to belittle others like this?

Why do SOME breastfeeding women?
Ah...it's the same as those Mothers who feel that they're better because they birthed without any pain control....as though foolishly putting up with agony makes you a better person.


Like you, I had an emergency c section after being in labour for 27 hours....I had no milk anyway after that....not that I let it bother me...I had grown a 9 pound baby girl and managed to survive the birth! That was enough for me!


When I lived in Australia there was a BIG culture of breast feeding and girls would look at me oddly for bottle feeding...they all had floppy old bags for boobs though...so I wasn't jealous! Lol....I'm not being mean....if you can breast feed great! If now great! Whatever...as long as you love the baby then it's fine!


Ive actually seen "NAtural Mothers" groups advertised...the stipulation for joining is that you had no pain releif and that you breastfeed exclusivly.....what a cheek! Still, if they all want to congratulate each other so much then good luck to em!
Reply:I see that the most pressing issue here is that you are not happy with how other mothers treat you. There are a lot of misinformed and rude people in this world and that's that. However, some of those rude, snobby women might be right. Not only is breastmilk better, but the shape of the n*pple helps the child's mouth develop properly. Some people claim that it will ensure that the child's teeth will grow in straight as well. That is simply not true. The shape of teeth depends on genetics. But in your situation, short of getting a wet nurse, there is nothing that can be done. Don't worry. There are plenty of good feeding bottles out there that you can use to feed your baby.
Reply:I breastfed all four of my children over a year including my twins. I had the opposite experience. I got a lot of comments like, "you're STILL nursing, Are you every going to wean, You know they won't let you breastfeed in kindergarten, Are you planning to follow them off to college etc. It really got to me with my first baby I would get so upset. With my twins I just ignored the comments. When BFing my 4Th I had come up with some snappy comebacks.





Feeding your baby should be a personal choice. I hope I never made anyone feel the way people have made you feel. All a baby really needs is love and security. As long as you are doing that I would recommend ignoring other peoples comments. Good Luck.
Reply:I dont intentionally try to make anyone feel bad but I do worry about the babies. There can be alot of bad side effects from formula- especially cows formula.





On a side note, I'd like to ask why a formula feeding mom who was comfortable with her decision, cared what a breastfeeding mom thought?
Reply:Some people just like to feel superior to others.


B/c of a medical conditon I am not able to breastfeed,I've actually had some people tell me I didn't try hard enough.





You know screw them. My daughter is 9 years old now, healthy and smart, she wasn't overweight as a baby or sickly.





The bad thing is I would have like to but sometimes life doens't work the way you want it to.





As long as you love and take care of your baby you are a good mom.
Reply:I have breastfed my baby for six months and never told anyone to do it as well , as that is very much personal choice, and believe me it is very hard. i had so much problem in the begining, every person arround me told me to not to do it, but i always wanted to breastfeed my baby so i didnt gave up, but never ever told any one to do it or gave lectures for it. But i know people tell others to do it.
Reply:Because they are still convinced that there is a gold medal out there for "Mom of the Year" and they are going to earn it.





I am pro-BFing but I can completely empathize with exhausted and frustrated moms.





As long as someone can make an informed choice I can't fault them. I know I can't control everyone but I would really like to see moms give breastfeeding more of a chance. That being said I respect those who try so hard and have to give formula in the end. It must be so taxing and to be able to stand up for your choice to switch must not be an easy one.
Reply:I'm sorry you've had this experience. My mum's group were a really laid back bunch, we ALL had epidurals and every drug we could lay our hands on, and all have a very relaxed attitude to bringing up our babies.





Most of us breastfed, apart from a couple who had problems similar to yours and one who chose not to. I think there is a BIG difference between doing your best to continue with bf and choosing to give it up because it is too much effort.





I really believe that mums should do their best to bf but if its not working for you, your baby and your partner, then don't feel guilty about stopping. Your sanity is WAY more important than a few added antibodies to your bub's immune system!





Good luck with everything, I hope it all picks up for you.
Reply:Ive had 2 c secs my first little girl i breast fed for a week then had no milk the second little girl i breast fed for 4 months but she wanted more, all i can say is has you baby suffered from formula? Both mine thrived if formula was that bad they wouldnt sell it. Dont let people make you feel bad cos your choosing whats right for you and your baby.At the moment im 26 weeks pregnant and plan to breast feed my little man but if it gets too much i will go to formula without concern over peoples reactions. It bothered me the first time but im stronger than they are and i know the health of my baby is number one. Stuff what they think just do whats best for you cos in the end that is whats best for your baby.
Reply:I personally think that breastfeeding exclusively for 20 years is overdoing it but...that's not the question. :)





Know that even breastfeeding mothers feel that all-so-powerful mother guilt and that may be why some feel the need to lecture others on the benefits of something they happen to be doing. Guilt. It's something we mothers have in common from the moment of conception.





I have had a difficult time with breastfeeding too. Lack of supply for me. I've made it work but that doesn't mean I forget what it's like to struggle with it. Why isn't it easier?





I think that's the problem. It is really easy for some women and they assume it's that way for all -if not, you MUST have done something wrong. That isn't helpful. And we mothers do not need to be undercutting each other. We do it enough to ourselves.





It also could be that breastfeeding really can be a special thing for a mom/child and naturally others want to share that experience with others and those moms are oblivious to what it feels like to struggle with it and just not be able to make it work out.





The bottom line is this. For you, an exhausted mom who's PPD is exacerbated because of breastfeeding then it may not be best for you and your baby. YES, breastfeeding may not be best for all in every situation. First and foremost you've got to survive the moment. If breastfeeding makes you feel so exhausted that you want to dig a hole, crawl in and never come out then that is not surviving. You can't be a very effective mother in a hole in the ground.





That said, I didn't make breastfeeding work for my first child either. But, I learned some things along the way and have made it work wonderfully for my second and third.





Don't feel bad. Those women haven't been where you've been or experienced what you've experienced in the same way you did. They also obviously don't know what it feels like to not have success with it or they wouldn't say what they say. Just shake it off and don't be afraid to try again the next time.

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